FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT August 4, 2010...For the sake of argument, let’s talk, or argue, about it if you wish. First, let me begin by saying that I am not against arguing; nope, no way, not me Jose. In my opinion, arguing is a good thing, not a bad one. Arguing is one of the ways we settle our differences of opinion about things big and small; without argument, matters would be left to resolve themselves without any input from us, and we wouldn’t want that, would we? Heck no, we’ve got to get our two cents said, be it right or wrong. There are some who say that instead of arguing, we should converse; but I say that having a good argument or a good conversation is the same thing. Alternatively, at least, it should be. Nowadays, people have added some ugly heads to the argument monster, and in doing so, have actually demeaned the purpose of arguing in the first place; that purpose being to make your points known on a given subject. However, many people now have adopted a “my way or the highway” attitude that have rendered the reasons for argument impossible to achieve. With that in mind, I would like to argue for the sake of argument that some things need to be observed by the participants of an argument in order for any argument to have any meaning at all. Here are some things that I believe good arguments either have or don’t have.
Shouting: Shouting at one another is absolute poison to any argument; effective problem solving can never be attained by shouting. Heart attacks, strokes, increased sales of blood pressure medicines, yes; resolution of problems, NO!
Hogging the floor: There must be two sides to every argument, or else it is not an argument at all. To continue to speak when clearly others have input they wish to contribute is patently unfair. If you don’t want to hear the other side, go rent yourself a podium and a megaphone; and put up several signs that say “no questions taken.” Even better, go talk to your mirror, that person is a very good listener. Well, at least he/she can’t walk out on you…
Making it a contest: Really, there are no “winners” or “losers” in a good argument. The object of arguing should be to understand what the interested parties have to say before reaching any conclusions. Often, both sides of an argument will reach some middle point of agreement and often they will not. Whether or not the sides reach a mutual area of agreement, both sides will still have benefited from at least listening to each other.
No bashing, please: Nothing belittles an argument so much as using someone’s ethnicity, religion, lifestyle, etc. as support for it. Not only does it demean the argument, it demeans the arguer as well; if your argument is so shallow as to have to resort to personal attacks in order to make it, perhaps you really don’t have an argument at all. People just cannot be categorized; the best and the worst of us come from everywhere.
Listen: Ah, that’s a magic word…listen! The person(s) with whom you are arguing have something to say, else they wouldn’t be arguing with you at all. Listen to what they have share with you. Ideally, both sides of an argument would spend equal time speaking and listening, or writing and reading, if you prefer. Frequently, there is a delightful prize for conversing in this manner; you both may find that you are more in agreement than you thought you were.
Don’t argue forever: There will be instances when neither side will give even a inch, both sides remaining unconvinced of the other’s, regardless of the effort. My best advice in those situations is to shake hands and say, “Let’s talk about it again on another day.” While it’s true that unresolved problems leave holes in our lives, it is also true that hastening to solutions that are unsatisfactory to all serves no purpose. Better to save the argument for another day than to live with a “solution” that makes no one happy.
These are just some things to consider the next time you find yourself in an argument. I, for one, could write at great lengths about this, but for now, let’s just leave it as it is. For the sake of argument, let’s agree to argue about it another time. That is my argument, and, by golly, I’m sticking to it!
Shouting: Shouting at one another is absolute poison to any argument; effective problem solving can never be attained by shouting. Heart attacks, strokes, increased sales of blood pressure medicines, yes; resolution of problems, NO!
Hogging the floor: There must be two sides to every argument, or else it is not an argument at all. To continue to speak when clearly others have input they wish to contribute is patently unfair. If you don’t want to hear the other side, go rent yourself a podium and a megaphone; and put up several signs that say “no questions taken.” Even better, go talk to your mirror, that person is a very good listener. Well, at least he/she can’t walk out on you…
Making it a contest: Really, there are no “winners” or “losers” in a good argument. The object of arguing should be to understand what the interested parties have to say before reaching any conclusions. Often, both sides of an argument will reach some middle point of agreement and often they will not. Whether or not the sides reach a mutual area of agreement, both sides will still have benefited from at least listening to each other.
No bashing, please: Nothing belittles an argument so much as using someone’s ethnicity, religion, lifestyle, etc. as support for it. Not only does it demean the argument, it demeans the arguer as well; if your argument is so shallow as to have to resort to personal attacks in order to make it, perhaps you really don’t have an argument at all. People just cannot be categorized; the best and the worst of us come from everywhere.
Listen: Ah, that’s a magic word…listen! The person(s) with whom you are arguing have something to say, else they wouldn’t be arguing with you at all. Listen to what they have share with you. Ideally, both sides of an argument would spend equal time speaking and listening, or writing and reading, if you prefer. Frequently, there is a delightful prize for conversing in this manner; you both may find that you are more in agreement than you thought you were.
Don’t argue forever: There will be instances when neither side will give even a inch, both sides remaining unconvinced of the other’s, regardless of the effort. My best advice in those situations is to shake hands and say, “Let’s talk about it again on another day.” While it’s true that unresolved problems leave holes in our lives, it is also true that hastening to solutions that are unsatisfactory to all serves no purpose. Better to save the argument for another day than to live with a “solution” that makes no one happy.
These are just some things to consider the next time you find yourself in an argument. I, for one, could write at great lengths about this, but for now, let’s just leave it as it is. For the sake of argument, let’s agree to argue about it another time. That is my argument, and, by golly, I’m sticking to it!
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